As far as the eye can see there are high rises covered in glass, holding the lives of countless people either working, or just getting up or going to sleep. You'd think people would much prefer living in more protected homes. With just a flick of a light people can see into your lives. They can pull up a chair, get some popcorn and channel surf through the different apartments. One night you might be watching a friendly family dinner, while next door the husband is being cruel to his wife again. These lives are noticeable. People remember them. Why? Because we live in a material culture. People only remember them because the woman next door has a complete pax wardrobe in mahogany and matching shoe hooks. Or the family on the upper floor all have matching kackies and similar plaid button ups from Calvin Klein.
Why am I so apposed to it? Who said I am? Why do you think I stand at the bottom of different apartment complexes looking into others lives, each night? If it annoyed me, I would've stopped. But really, I wanted a family that hat a complete kitchen and matching out fits, with different coloured sneakers. It was my dream, even as a young kid.
Mommy, and Daddy were non-existent for me. When I was born, it was an accident. I was the mistake of two drunk college students. One night, one time, one mistake; see it all works out. I was shuffled from foster home to foster home, sometimes being abused, other times being neglected. Let's just put it this way, I don't trust adults. Which is why I'm here.
I moved through Pennington street, and then ducked into an alley. I turned left, and then went down into the subway. When the clerk wasn't looking I jumped over the gate and went to the transfer box. When he looked over, I was gone. I slid down the wall and waited for he next subway. The subway had a peculiar scent of water damage, and well garbage. It was nice though. I loved the subway. It was my get away.
The subway came and I got on. It was busy. I sat across from some guy with headphones. He was wearing a pair of destroyed jeans a black t-shirt with a knitted hoodie. More people loaded onto the car. I looked up, they were all business men. Ugh!
I hated men like them. Pervy men in suits who thought they were special because they had nice cars, houses, families, and a nice fat paycheck. When really all of this material was compensating for their own short comings like a horrible relationship with their wives, unhappiness, and a lacking of excitement in the bedroom department. These men to me were the scum of this earth. They are the men who put people like me down, collect my money and use it their own uses like male enhancement. Who was I to these suits? I was a rebellion, a radical, poor, thief. Let's just say my source of income was partially honest, and partially stolen.
I work for a diner. I waitress, and part- time I steal from the rich. Like I said, I partially made an honest living. The waitressing job brought in enough cash to keep me going, but I need that extra push during hard weeks.
See what I don't understand is it was these men... these suits that caused our international debt, yet it is people like me who just work normal jobs, that were hurt the most. All these men do is bet or countries... our worlds money and leave the smaller people behind. I didn't care if they were trying to make a living like the rest of us, but really their living was just as honest as mine was. They were the anti-robin hoods, they stole from the poor and gave to the rich. Me? Well... I steal from the rich, but that doesn't mean I give to the poor. The money I steal strictly goes to me. There is no reason other than I need it. $20 here and there from these men won't even dent the large lump sum of cash they have lying around in their bank accounts. $20 for me however, is a meal.
The car was full now. A man bumped into the boy with the headphones. He didn't even say sorry, he just carried on down the car. The boy yelled "Jerk!"
The man turned around, "What did you say?'
The boy didn't even flinch when the man turned. He simply lowered his headphones, and watched as the suit charged over to him, "Jerk... sir"
I smiled and looked at the suit narrowing my eyes, "You should apologise"
The boy with the headphones looked at me then back up to the man in the suit with a massive grin on his face. The suit looked at the both of us, he was completely enraged.
The funny thing is I knew exactly what he was going to say. I've heard this speech far too many times before. This man had the same look as all the others. The look said, I would much prefer to just hit, but that's not legal so I'm just going to tell you that you are scum and should respect me in an intelligent way. Normally kids just sit there looking dumb founded, and maybe feel worthless. Me however, I've heard this too many times that I know exactly what to say. Little does this man know I have a better political opinion then him. Just because he follows the republicans, doesn't make him superior in political knowledge, in fact it just makes him another sheep in the political spectrum.
The man reached his finger out and started his speech, "I owe you an apology? Listen if it wasn't for me neither of you would be able to live in such a free and prosperous country. It's kids like you who know nothing about our country, but continue to feel like we owe you something. If anything you owe us something. Me owe you an apology, ha!! Do you even know our..."
I quickly interrupted him, "I just said you should apologise to him. You knocked him with your bag and it was rude to not apologise. I didn't need a speech on how disrespectful I am, when really it is you who is disrespectful And please... if it wasn't for you and all of the other suits on this car our country wouldn't be in the economic crisis it is right now. I mean whats your job description anyway? O wait let me guess, just business. Well do me a favour, and every other hard working person in this car, stop using our money and start using some of your own because we can't cope."
The subway stopped and I grabbed the boy with head phones hand and started to walk off, "O, and just so you know just because you're republican does not make you politically superior, in fact it just makes you another sheep on the political spectrum, so you can bite me!"
The doors slid open to the station, and the boy yell, "O and fuck you, you moores nazi!"
Then we ran. We ran up the stars and kept on running for blocks and blocks, hand in hand. We couldn't stop laughing. We ran to the docks and stopped. Neither of us could catch our breath and just stood there breathing heavily. I noticed where we were. We were 20 minutes from my place. Then I looked at the stranger next to me. He didn't feel like a stranger. He felt like the kind of person I had known for years. I looked at him and he looked at me.
"Who are you?" I asked
He smiled, "You ask who I am after you went all political on a random guy for me?"
"Sure, you seemed to be a worthy candidate" I giggled.
He stuck out his hand, "JJ"
I smiled and shook his hand, "Nice to meet you JJ"
I turned around and started to walk away. The problem with being a ghost is once you are noticed you become nervous. I just wanted to disappear, except there was no crowd. Just me and him standing at the docks... alone.
JJ started running after me. he grabbed my arm and said, " Hey! Why are you leaving?"
"I need to be somewhere" I wriggled my arm free.
"O no, what's your name?"
I stopped. He was standing right in front of me, I was stuck.
"Does my name really matter. We are only given names to define us to the corporations. Our names don't define us, our actions and personalities do."
"I asked you your name, not your reasoning behind why you don't want to share it"
There was no way of getting out of this. I needed to get him out to a crowd.
"Do you want to see what I do for a living?"
He tilted his head and before he could answer I grabbed his hand and dragged him to the busy streets of the city. We pushed our way to the centre of a side walk and just stood there.
"What are we doing?"
I told him be quiet by holding my finger up to my lips and started walking through the crowd. Light on my feet and barely bumping into each person I slipped in between the bodies. I slipped my hands around the waist of a man in front of man. My hands glided into his pocket and in an instant I took them out and slipped into an alley. I saw JJ and called him over, he pushed through and came into the alley and stood in front of me.
"What the hell was that?"
I lifted my hands out of my pocket and pulled out the wallet. I opened it and read the ID.
"This is... Paul Hark's wallet and I stole it"
He looked at me, barely shocked. He seemed mad more than anything.
"He... o why would you look at that! Wall Street!", I pulled out his ID and showed it to JJ.
"I took his wallet because he like so many other 'moores nazis' have stolen from me and have put me in a difficult situation. I work full-time at a dinner but, it isn't enough. So I live in a home of thieves and need to bring in at least 10 wallets a day to get a cut of cash."
JJ looked at me and then the wallet. He wasn't smiling, he was thinking. He turned around and opened his backpack and showed me the contents. He had at least 20 wallets in there. I looked up shocked. He wasn't apart of us I knew it. I would've seen him passing through the house.
"I will split them fifty-fifty with you, only if I can come to the house and you tell me your name."
He quickly closed up the bag, and looked at me expecting me to go ahead and do it. I sighed and looked at the bag weighing my options. If I told him my name, we would get to know each other on a personal level, which was out of the question.
The last time I had a personal relationship with someone, it ended with countless burns on my back and stomach. He was a violent lover, and taught me that humans are the most untrustworthy species in the world.
I realised my choices was actually a choice. I turned to him and noticed his hair was a dark brown. It was a little bit long in the front and blew in the wind. His eyes were a crystal blue and even shined in the dark, bleak alley. Part of me knew this was the right decision, the other half saw just as much mystery in JJ as there was in me.
I narrowed my eyes at him and said, "I will see you later then JJ, nice meeting you."
I leaned into him a kissed him on the cheek. He looked at me nearly shocked. I knew he wouldn't go down without a fight. I was almost out of the alley before he grabbed my arm and blocked me from leaving.
"No, that isn't enough! Let's not play this game anymore!"
I looked into his eyes, he wasn't mad. I don't know what he was.... I didn't know what to say.
"I know your game. I can read you! This mysterious revolutionary routine isn't slick! You might think you're hard to read, but you're not. You're just as transparent as those suits you call them!"
I was mad now. I wriggled free, "Fuck you!"
He pushed me up against the wall, "No listen to me! You helped me on the subway the least you can do is tell me your name, and not this shallow attempt to brush me off because you're trying hide your inner fears of relationships. Just because mommy and daddy were not there and maybe your boyfriend pushed you around a bit doesn't mean you just exclude yourself from any personal relationships"
I was crying now, not because what he said was hurtful, but because he had only known me for an hour and fifteen minutes and read into me instantly. It hurt because it felt like someone had slowly and painfully ripped into me layer by layer, peeling open the parts of me that hurt the most. My tears stung my cheeks like venom dripping out of the fangs of a poisonous snake.
I looked down then back up at him, "You don't know anything about me! You have no right to judge me!"
I pushed free and ran out to the busy side walk. He was right behind me and quickly caught up to me. He walked behind me as I pushed through the crowd. Right now I was not invisible. Tears were streaking down my cheeks and we were yelling at each other. These people could hear and see us. I was frightened, I hated this.
"I know you! You are an afraid little girl, who has never felt someone love you!"
I stopped and turned around. He was standing there staring right at me, looking more sincere than anyone I have ever met. I needed to get away, I could feel all of the affection in me rising up from a pit somewhere deep inside me, and I wanted to throw up. I couldn't get attached, too much baggage. I looked up and down the street, it was clear. I tried to cross the street and got half way across before he started yelling again.
"Don't hide yourself, your name is not just the identity to corporations, it's your identity of yourself, it's how you back up your personality, its you!"
I stood there and realised this awful feeling inside was in fact love. It hurt so bad, but when I looked at JJ it softened. I needed to change myself around. I couldn't live alone in that broken down house anymore. I couldn't work for these ghosts anymore. I turned to him, and started walking back.
"My name is..."
Within that instant a bright light flashed across my peripheral. The next thing I knew, my side was hit and everything blacked out.
It was a car. Turns out you shouldn't stand in the centre of a poorly lit city street during midnight. As soon as I was hit JJ was next to me in an instant. It didn't hurt, in fact it was a relief. When I looked up into his eyes I saw the same sincerity I had always wished I had.
I didn't want to die, but part of me wanted to escape from this world and try again. Maybe next get a set of good parents and be taught how to have meaningful relationships or maybe have a boyfriend like JJ who actually cares for me and looks out for me.
This was my restart, and what better way to start then end this life with good karma.
I reached my hands up and brought his ear level with my lips and whispered my name. He looked at me and I could see tears trickling down his face. I didn't want him to cry, it meant I he cared about me, it meant maybe my way out isn't death.
My breaths were becoming more and more shallow, I could hear the sirens in the distance. When they arrived the paramedics pushed JJ and put oxygen on me. I blacked out.
When I opened my eyes, I knew instantly I was in the hospital. What I couldn't believe is who was next to me. I stretched out my hand and stroked the top of his head. He looked up, his eyes tired from obviously staying here all night. He looked terrible, but his electric blue eyes were still sincere.
"Hey"
I smiled and looked around the hospital room. I had sustained broken ribs and a major concussion. I will be fine though. Maybe my restart wasn't in death but in JJ. He was my way out, my fresh start.
My biggest wish in this life was to leave it nameless. To leave here achieving nothing but nothingness and being happy about it, but I have a name now. It was the name that I whispered into JJ's ear ever so softly.
"My name is Anima"
Anima - definition; spirit.
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