Hurt

Grow-up. A word all of us become very familiar with. A word we are told when we are upset about stupid little things. A word we are told when we are acting younger than we should. A word the makes us feel worthless.
Grow-up. A word for people who feel as though they can put others down to make them feel more superior. Face it. We are all immature.
Face it. We are all younger than we wish we were.
Why? Why do we wish to be older than we are? Why do we put others down, make others feel insignificant just to feel like we have power over them.
Power does not equal maturity.
Maturity is not based on the way you make others feel.
You know who you are. You sit there, comparing yourself, feeling awkward, and insignificant. You see someone walking by, someone who obviously feels the same way as you. The difference between you and them? They keep walking and keep their insignificant feelings to themselves. You however. You flaunt them. You walk up to them and reveal them, just not in the shape of insecurities. No, they come in the form of put downs, and nasty behaviours.
What I am trying to get at is, why are we all trying to be mature!? Why are we all trying to act bigger than we are. Not only does it hurt the other people you act horribly to, it hurts yourself.
I'm sitting here telling you how to think and how to feel. Not because I feel as though I know everything. No, I think I know absolutely nothing, and I am just as insignificant as the rest of us in this planet. I'm sitting here showing you how I feel because I can't stand, that I have to walk through school every day and feel the scorn coming from absolutely insignificant people because they feel as though they are better than me. Why do they do this? Because they don't like the way I deal with problems with other people. They do this because they think I am demeaning when I say I want nothing to do with other people, that have clearly hurt me.
This is what I have learned from high school. I have learned that people are shit and no matter what you are going to get people that will pose as your friend for as long as they need you then they are going to run away in the other direction when they have gotten enough you. These people will pretend they know you better than you now yourself, and try to get closer to you by saying ambiguous things and get into your head. Then.... then just when you have complete trust them, they will take everything you have told them and throw it back in your face.
There is a reason why I have stopped bothering with people who act like this. there is a reason why I am so cold, and never genuinely smile anymore. Because you have broken me! You have taken me and torn me apart for everything I am worth. You have pushed me over the edge. You have pushed me to a point where I can't even look at myself and love myself any more. There is a reason why you make me ill. There is a reason why I am so awkward with you. I don't know who you  are anymore. I don't know where you have gone. There is just this nasty, ugly monster in your place. And let me tell you I am not the only one you have done this to. I know there are plenty of other people out there that are not alone.
Welcome to my world now. One where I don't even have the guts to say this to you in person. I can only do it here. I am back where I was a year and a half ago now. I feel as though the only place I feel safe is my house. I don't feel like being near you only afraid of what might come out your mouth.
I would like to congratulate you though. Why? Because it was obviously your goal this whole time. It was obviously your goal to conducted your friendship charm on me. So I stand here now offering you this medal, and certificate, with a short round of applause. This is for you. You evil, nasty person. We stand here honouring your shitty words, shitty actions, shitty personality, and most importantly your shitty monster that sits on your shoulder whispering in your ear.



Originally Patience