You choose...

We are all faced with choices.
What to eat.
What to watch.
What to work on.
What to think.
Who you want.
Who you don't want.
etc.
etc.
etc.
Choices.... good or bad; yes or no; me or you; us or them....
etc.
etc.
etc.
I always made my own choices. Usually good choices. Ones that would help me develop into the woman I am now. Ones that would determine my work ethic, friendships, habits....
etc.
etc.
etc.
This time I didn't get to choose.
The first time, was the reaction. The sudden yelling then she left and was gone and didn't come back for a while. This I had no choice in. If it was my choice I would have kept her here and we would have dealt with it no matter the pain, because living only made things worse.
The second time. I didn't get to choose.
I was having fun and it all happened and there was nothing I could say or do but stay still and watch from the outside in as it happened. The only I choice I had was whether or not I stayed present for that moment. I chose not to..... the first time.
The third time... I had no choice.
This time it didn't silently happen. There was yelling... again... at me... this time. I was scared, I'm not going to lie. I would shiver overtime the venom came out. They pushed me and I fell and again I didn't get up. I just let them keep yelling and didn't move. I stayed inside this time. It was not ok.
The fourth time... I had no choice.
I said no. I still had no choice.
The fifth time.
I cried.
I had no choice.
I want people in my life who let me make my own choices. I do... now. The people in my past made choices for me and it hurt..... too much.
I made my choice:
Live through it
Forget it
Remember it
Hurt
Work through it...

The rest I am still trying to figure out.




Originally Patiene