Hey hi! What's good? Alot has happened in the past few days.
A boy who goes to my school, he is my age, and my grade died. He was sixteen years young. He was a very popular guy in our school but, not for the regular reasons. He was extremly kind. He never talked about anyone and always smiled. I didn't know him very well. The day they annouced it I was so shocked. One of our own. I went to a memorial. I say people that to me are extremly strong break down. I was the shoulder to cry on. He will never be forgotten. Our school is amazing. Almost everyone wore pink today, and we had an awesome memorial after school. I don't care what people say about our school. We have one hell of a big heart! I am not sad like everyone else. Alot of people are very sad about this. I didn't know him. I just keep getting this gut wrenching feeling in my stomach that he is gone. Just a few days before I say him in the hallway goofing off with his friends, and then he's just gone. I want everyone to have a moment of silence after this blog in memory of this boy. He was a strong, happy, kind individual and his life was taken from him.
Right now I am so confused. Have you ever seen red hot anger? Have you ever seen someone so close to you try to come after you? They have this look in thier eyes that they want to kill you? You start screaming and crying because you are so frightened? I have. I'm so scared. I don't want to see it again. I couldn't escape or defend myself.
My Dad is leaving for England this Friday and I'm dreading it. There has been so much going on in the past few days. I'm afraid once he leaves I won't have someone to talk to. I can talk to my mom but, she can only take so much. I don't want him to go. I'm going to miss him so much. I can't stand the thought of him not being a phone call away. Now I have to worry about long distance, where he is going to be. What number to call, and when to call him. It's going to kill me.
Everything inside of me is wrong. Nothing is straight. I feel like my head is drunk. Drunk on the pure ahlcohol of my thoughts. I can't put a single thought down. So, instead I start crying. I'm sad because I am scared and confused. I want a clear mind. I want it all to go away. I want everything to be OK again. I don't want to deal with this. I just want to be a normal person. I miss being a normal person.
I broke down at school. I couldn't breath. I couldn't stand. I couldn't look at anyone. I just wailed. No one understands. NO one understands what my family and I have to deal with. No one has to go home and face what I have to face no one. I feel like I'm insane. I feel like secretly people know. I want to tell someone I'm insane. I want to tell them my problems. I want them to understand. But, then I think why would they listen. Why would they want to listen? They've got their own problems they can't face. I got into a fight with someone last night because I didn't listen to him. He was grieving and he wanted someone to talk to. I should've listened. I didn't though. But, what the hell am I supposed to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |I know this boy has died!!!! I KNOW!!!! I FRIGGIN KNOW!!!! But what am I supposed to do! I have to watch out for my family!!! I have to watch out it isn't one of my own dead, or ill, or hurt! I'm faced with this every single day.
I'm sick and tired of having to follow what other people tell me to do. I'm tired. I want to go to bed and never wake up because I know the same problems will be there yelling, screaming, crying, and howling in my ears. Everyday I am grieving, I'm grieving for the life I once had. The juvenile life I once had, and the life I wish I could get back. Eveyone s happy, no one's ill.
Orignally Patience
Thing to do today, Have a moment's silence for Alain Sihaphom and all those you have lost in your life and miss
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