Who am i: Day One Hundred Twenty Nine

Everything seems to be in a dream world. Nothing seems to be where it should. Nothing has sunk in like it did last time. I feell like I am waiting. Waiting for something that will never come. I feel like I haven't even realized what has gone on. It was so late, so overwhelming. I wake up every single morning and... I hear nothing. Just emptiness. I go to school and act as though I will be down in the gym halway as per usual. It can't just be a week. There needs to be more time.
I can feel myself running. Running faster than ever. I'm manic and I can't stop. I tell myself to slow down but, my heart starts racing when it gets closer.
I'm an adict. I can't stand to go through it without a vice. I found my vice in something I would never believe. It's when I can crank the volume and lose myself. Become drunk and stoned, without dying. The tears flow merclessly and I can't hear anything. I can't see anything. Lights are off just the sound of dubstep killing me, drinking me swallowing me into a whole new world. Nothing is here except me and the power.

My Dad's coming home this Saturday. I need him right now more than ever. Everythings happened. I'm back to where I was. Even though I don't feel it I think I'm worse than I was. I can't take it anymore. All I want is normality and it is neer there. Normality is in my head. It is when I'm blasting dubstep so, loud that it forces the tears out of me. It makes me dizzie and make me realize there is always time. There is always something there. There is never a reason to leave. To leave the face of this Earth and never return.
You know whennyou are trying to see into someone and you can't. Someone who used to be readable is no longer readable. Well, it's scary when they become a closed book. You realize they aren't the person you remeber. Have you ever forgotten what someone looks like? I have it's been three days and I complelty forgot. I can't stand by that window again. I just can't I want to see but, I can't do it like that. It'll only hurt me more.
Originally Patience


Thing to do today, Listen to dubstep, and get eaten by the sub woofer ;)