Suicide

Hey hi. I was watching a movie, it's called Archie's Fianl Project. It's about a boy who documents his suicide. Not as dark as you think trust me. but, the prospect of death finally came to me. Like Archie say's "we work our wholes for that one moment", the moment we close our eyes for the last time and breathe our last breath. Death is extremely scary, you try your best to avoid it, and help others avoid it as well. But, what if someone wants it. Wants it more than the smooth taste of oxygen or the joy of being able to step out into the world everyday. What if you are that person, and no matter which way you look at it you realize there is nothing you want more than it, your family, friends, or lovers can't even stop you from wanting it. Suicide is the toughest subject anyone of you will ever have to tackle.  Many say suicide is a permenant solution to a temporary problem (how original). That is the most cliche thing you could say about suicide. I feel like chewing on that saying and spitting it out. Although it is very true, I feel the people who say this have never felt the pain of wanting to end your life or felt the pain of someone else who has wanted to kill themselves. Now I'm not insulting these people or saying they ar clueless, and should go **** themsleves; what I'm saying is they are right totally right, but it's more to it than that. You must be asking what makes me an expert? Well, I have had to deal with this subject fairly close to home. I have had to understand and deal with this at a young age, and in my opinion to young of an age.
 I am only in grade 11. Just old enough to be an adult but to young to be a responsible adult. I was 15-16 when I had to face this. This subject was foreign to me, a completly different language. Suicide is something that takes years and years to understand and be able to deal with, and don't think anyone is willing to dedicate their lives to figuring it out. All it will lead you to is your own death. I had a family member who was very close to causing their own death. I witnessed this family member trying and was sadly the one person who had to stop them.
When I saw them doing it I had to yell at every part of my body to move because I was frozen. My heart was beating a million miles a minute and I couldn't move. I tryed to say something but nothing came out. I just stood there watching, as each limb exited out of the window, slowly droping out of my sight. It felt like hours as I stood there watching this person slowly throw their lives away, getting closer and closer the smooth clarity of death. Finally, I moved and it felt like an instant I was there holding onto them pulling as hard as I could, screaming on the inside because I knew if I let go, they would be gone and it would be all my fault. They were biting and scratching me yelling at me because I was taking away their only oppourtunity to get out of this horrible world. They were still out the window slipping from my grip, until I was able to scream for help "I NEED HELP! RIGHT NOW!" Those words stay with me even today, I need help, right now. By the time everyone got upstairs, I had one arm around them, my left one was bleeding by 2 deep scratches on my knuckles, I had caught my hand on the window sill. Another family member to them, and pulled them down in one swift movement, I was out of there in a matter of seconds; running into my room slamming the door shut, screaming silently because I was in so much pain. I remember standing there for a minute then I heard the screaming and crying. I remember my legs giving out and the tears flowed down my cheeks without any sobbing. I remeber sliding down the wall of my room, as I  heard ""LET ME GO, PLEASE". It was no longer a joke to me, this person so close to me was begging to be let out of this world. This was the day that I realized suicide is not a want, or a desire, it was a infection; an idea that would slip into your brain and create this tumour that would occupy your every thought until one day it controls your body and you are finally doing what your brain has told you to do all along... END IT. I sat on my floor until the police and ambulance came to my home, took them away.
That night when everyone was asleep, I left the house and walked. I walked for hours in the cold because all I could hear was screaming next door. There was a feeling in the house now, one that is still there. Unpredictability. I hate it, you realize that it will always be there even when you are long gone. You have felt this unpredictability and it reaps everyday.
There is a quote from archies final project that I love:
 You want to kill yourself? You kill what you don't want. Killnarcissus. I had an old self... I killed. You can kill yourself too... but that doesn't mean you gotta stop livin'.Kill the part that's all about you; nobody else, because that's the part that makes you wanna curl up and die. - David Carradine (My Suicide Archie's Final project)
I don't care who you are or if you agree or disagree with suicide, this is what you should be saying instead of suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. This will mean more to yourself or the person comitting suicide because they will finally realize, it's not them it's a part of them.
Originally Patience

Best movie I have seen so far.