Human Waste Basket

Ahhhh 2 blogs in a row.... lets make it three. A trilogy of a successful regime of getting my shit together and trying to get through this first semester of hell.
Just as everything winds down, so do relationships. I have always had issues with making good friends, friends who will accept me for who I am. My past group took probably the biggest shit on me I have ever experienced, and trust me I could very well be considered a human toilet for the amount of shit that has been shat on me.
I guess we accept the people we think we deserve. That's what I keep saying to myself. I think it's even more pathetic openly admitting that I deserve shit and continue to take it.
Sadly I don;t know what I do to be treated like shit, but I have officially decided to stop caring. I mean obviously I have yet to do this otherwise I would not be blogging about these recent revelations. However I sit here trying to thrash out my inner turmoil with you guys (if there is anyone except for my family ;) <3).
I sadly do not possess any sort of bravery when it comes to verbalizing my feelings in person. Usually I sit here at my desk behind a computer screen and type out all of my feelings and shit. I guess you could say my laptop is my human waste basket considering the amount of shit I load onto it.
History has a tendency to repeat itself without properly monitoring and learning from it. I have yet to learn. I guess these next few weeks will be the learning experience I need. I do get bothered by these things. I need to learn how to just shrug them off and move on. I have done this, but sadly moving on for me meant moving to a different city and removing them from my lives. This had to happen because there was too much between us and it was pretty much irreparable from my end at least.
There are only two things I can do in this situation.... bite the bullet and just confront it or move on. Me being the coward I am the latter seems more suiting for me, but that little nagging voice behind my ear is telling me suck it up and do it, you don't want to loose this so just do it.
Hell. I can't tell you what me decision is. I can't tell you what is going to happen. I still don't know. I will say this trying to break out of bad habits is hard, especially when it comes to something you have been doing since you started school.
Well I am officially late for my psychology lecture, so I will leave you with this.
All I want for christmas is sudden I opener. My eyes to be open to what I can have rather than what I deserve.




Originally Patience





What do you want for christmas? ;)