In the Palm of my Hand: A city

It was another shitty night. Something simple turned everything around.
I could've been anything really big or small, just so happens it was something as simple as who washed up or who dried the dishes.
We argued, yelled, screamed, cried, and resented each other. It usually blew up from something simple like who dried the dishes, to bottled up problems that were bound to come up sometime soon. It just so happened these internalized issues decided to rear its ugly head right into this moment.
Moment..... a good meal, good conversation, good afternoon.
We probably went out to the market or spent the day grocery shopping for the meal. We probably went out to pick up some movies for the night. I probably did some homework, coming down just closest to the end to help finish up dinner. We would all sit down, just about to start to eat when I comment would be made, or dinner would just be over when a similar comment will come up.
These arguments would escalate. Three people who love to have the last word is never a good mix. That last word is all we reach for. We won't stop until we are the one on top. This usually results in someone stalking upstairs and screaming nasty, hateful things about the other.
In a matter of minutes someone will come upstairs and begin to tell the other how much they love them, but they don't understand why this happened. Tears would spring to the others eyes and cry about how little they get to see the other.
This... this seemingly horrid and dysfunctional scene is what things were for me. We would argue and spit venom, but it was the arguments that I remembered.... it was the walks afterward.... the conversation... the somewhat resolution.
My whole has seemed to be so dysfunctional that it has just become a normal for me. We would leave the house, at first keeping our distance from each other not saying a word. We would walk to the end of the alley and cross the street, walking in the shadows of the massive building that had just been erected a matter of days ago. Eventually conversation would slowly leak back into the noticeable silence to hush it. We would continue walking and would eventually end up in the spot that I will always treasure.
This place is my sanctuary and even now being almost 4 hours away it's all I think about. It would be just moving into sundown. The breeze comfortable. The twilight automatically grabs my attention and brings me in. We walk slowly across the grass reaching the metal railings. In front of us... a whole world captured in a single glance. Water calmly pushing up against the massive prehistoric rocks. Past the expanse is the city. The whole skyline, literally in the palm of your hands.
No matter all the shit, and all the hurt that came out of the last 2 hours it is all sucked right out of us and thrown into the liquid calm. Our attentions and thoughts brought to a single point.
I would look out and try not forget. I never understood why we couldn't have one weekend without arguing. I still wonder. Even now, I'm almost a grown woman and I still can't avoid going to visit without wanting to argue or cry or be filled with melancholy. Maybe its part of my brain hoping that it would all lead to a walk. One that would lead me to a single world in the palm of my hand. Now I am almost always left with disappointment. There is no walk, no yelling, no arguments anymore. Just light awkward conversation. There isn't even a city.
Just tears. Just me sitting there wondering what in the hell happened. When did the walk end? Where did the city go?
And why? Why did it have to go? With no arguments there is no walking. With no walking there no city. And no city means no peace... no resolution and no happiness.



Originally Patience