Hey hi! What are you supposed to do when you are told to embrace something? I mean really, what are you supposed to do. Especially when this thing is too huge to embrace. How can you embrace something that is so bad? Something that has left you feeling ill and weak? Why would you want to embrace it? Each time you try to embrace it, you have a break down. You are reduced to tears and can't control yourself. You end up right where you were before, feeling ill and weak when you are faced with it. I feel sick right now. You know why? Because this is the first time anyone has told me to embrace it. I thought about, and literally my stomach turned. It turned because I know I have to remember everything that happened, every detail, every moment, minute, and second. And you know what I thought when I tryed to face it. You shouldn't have said anything. That's exactly what I think. When I think about, I feel uncomfortable in my own skin. I feel so discusted by myself that I want to break free of my body.
My heart's beating out of my chest right now. I'm am stiff and I'm grinding my teeth. Every time I grinde my teeth I think about school. My jaw was so sore by the end of the day it hurt to brush my teeth. I can't breath. I can remember yelling so much yelling and crying. I can remember scary things being said. I can remember I didn't cry. I can remember seeing them leave and never coming back. I remember that night not being able to breath. Not being able to sleep because I thought they'd be coming throught that door anytime. But, they never did. I sat in my room, and nevr said anything. I was so scared. I remember when I was younger, I used to feel sick when people yelled. I still have it. I feel ill, and powerless. I feel powerless right now. The one place I feel like I have power is here. Me writing to you. I actually have a say. I actually have a voice
Originally Patience
Thing to do today, remember the old times with your oldest friend (My friend who I have known since I was born is leaving tommorow for university. Today we sat down and talked bout our childhood.).
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