Who am i: Day One Hundred Forty Six

What happened? What happened to what I had? Where did it go? Why? Why did it leave me? My normality, happiness, peacefulness. I need things I shouldn't need. I want to feel on top of the world. I want to feel so on top, when  I jump it is higher than anyone has ever gotten. I want to plundge into the ground and get absorbed by the earth. I want to live faster so I crash harder. I want to breathe. I want to see. I want to feel. I want to feel life drizzle down my face and be absorbed into my pores. I want to feel the rejection of life. I want to become tangled and knotted. I want nothing and everything. I want to leave. I want to feel the concrete beneath my bare feet. I want to feel that chill down my spine. Nothing can stop me because I am invincible but, weak. I can barely keep my self afloat but, I am swimming. I am living in a liquid afterlife. All I can hear is the muffled sobs next door and I begin to sob. The sobs fill my room and become an abyss of sorrow. No one can get in because my motionless body blocks the door. It won't move because I won't let it. My brain dies. I can feel it short circut. I flinch each time I feel a memory scream a blood curtling scream. I say good bye as I feel the wind blow through my hair. Everyone is down below and I am flying. They don't say good bye, they just stand there. I am flying so high. I crash... the ballad calls for me and I crash. My body lies mangled on the driveway. All I hear is that beautiful ballad singing to me. Eating at my soul. My blood is not red, it is clear. Its clear because all of the warmth is out of me. It was sucked out of me through tears, and know I bleed tears. There is no one there, to see my magled body lying upon the driveway. Just the sweet ballad seranading to me. I blink only to see the moon staring down at me. I reach for the moon but, I moves away, and everything is gray. And there lies my body, mangled, and sad. Bleeding tears of sarrow. I turn gray and I'm gone. Erased from the earth as if I was an insignificance to the world. What happened?
Originally Patience

Thing to do today, lie down