Hi! Hope you are all having a good summer. I finished my summer theory course! I currently have no idea what I'm going to do with myself. LOL! I am always having problems finding out what to do during my summer. Like Phineas and Ferb say in their opening song, "It's a hundred and four days of summer vaction, and school comes along just to end it. But, the anual problem of our generation is finding a good way to speeend it"! I think I might just get together with a few of my friends. O, and spend my last summer with my oldest friend. I've known her since I was born, and she is leaving for University at the end of the summer. Big downer. I hate loosing people. Watching them leave. They get in the car, waving good by. It pulls out of the drive way, and it pains me to watch because you can actually see the gap becoming visibly bigger. It's hard, it really is. She's like a sister to me. It's wierd because when my parents divorced we moved to the street I am currently living in. Then, her parent's divorce and she moves into the same street. lol!
It's hot today but, a different kind of hot. The kind the raps itself around you, sufficates you. The wierd thing is I can feel the electricity in the air. The brewing of a massive merciless storm. It get's me excited. You cn feel the electricity creeping into your viens, making your heart race, tickling your muscles. It's a brilliant feeling.
One of my family members is hurting. She's paniking, just out of the blue. She's just sitting there and the panic creeps up, and she has an attack. She was feeling fine before, and now she's hurt. It's a family thing, it runs in oour blood, this pain, panic, and blackness. I don't want it. Everyone has inherited it. I haven't, they say I'm going to become like them. I don't want to. I'm trying everything I can, not to become like them. Just to stay strong. I love them, that's why I have to be different, be stronger so, I can be there for them. Be a strong base. Catch them when they fall. It's the hollow kind of pain I hate. The kind of pain that just drains you, turns you into a nothing. She was hollow, and it scares me worse than anything. Just the life sucked out of the. I've seen it too much, that hollow look. Too much for my age. I shouldn't have seen it the amount of times I have. I hope none of you see it. I can vividly remeber the first time I saw it. They wouldn't eat, just sat there and watched me eat. Put, their head inbetween their legs when they got dizzie. Red, red eyes, empty unhappy eyes. Nedding support but, none was given. I think I've witnessed more break downs in my life time then any 20 year old. Ha! It's nothing to laugh about but, you need to make light of these things because that light in the end of the tunnel is never coming. You have to just shed light on it when things get too tough. Things get worse before they get better.
Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror, and just see something you've never seen before. See and anger so red, hot, and killer that you cause yourself to cry. Seen a weakness so strong that it doesn't even look like you. I've seen a weakness that is beyond me. One that rattles my core, and sends me to pieces, too small to pick back up. It's still there, it's there because I see that hollowness in me sometimes. That haunting hollowness, the one that I am supposed to inheirit. It sends me crumbling to the ground like an ancient building, full of so much joy and hate, just gone. The hollowness will stop. It will stop because I do not want it to consume me like I have seen it consume my loved ones. This it, it will stop here, it will not bleed me dry, and turn my blood black. It will not haunt me like a ghost. Instead, I will haunt the hollowness, I will consume it.
My birthday is coming up. My parties arn't very big. I just invite a few friends over, have a barbeque, and chill. Nothing more, nothing less, and every year everyone has a great time...... O and you can never ever ever forget about the ice cream cake!!! I LOVE ICE CREAM!!!!!!
Have you ever used skype? I love it! I can actually see my dad and talk to him. It's so much better if I really miss him I can actually see him.
Well that's all I've got today. I hope you are all doing well
Originally Patience
Thing to do today, get rid of your demon.
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