Have you noticed everything in the dark seems evil. It doesn't matter how friendly something is in the light of day, it becomes a cinical, murderess object looking for your blood, your flesh. Have you every just stood in the dark? Now, I'm not talking about the dark that, slowly becomes friendly, the darkness that allows your eyes to adjust. This darkness has mercy. The darkness that I'm talking about, is the one that is thick. The one that you awake to, and not even realize your awake. It forces you to face all of your weaknesses. Confess all of your sins. Without you even realizing it, it is pressuring you, torturing you. Picking and poking at you. Making you second guess yourself. It turns the strongest man on earth, into nothing... air. This darkness wants all or nothing. Once it corners you, it will draw blood, it will tear at your flesh but, it won't take all of you. No, it will leave you raw, frightened, it will brush past you make you wonder if it is coming back for more. Instead it will sit infront of you, and behind you, to the side's of you... suround you, and then...... You will confess, confess everything that you have done, said, felt, and missed. Then, just like that, the darkness becomes comforting. It will hold you, and rub your back, tell you it's alright. The thing about this darkness, is it will pick you clean, or it will save you. You can tell it everything, and it won't tell. Instead it will absorb everything, hold it in, and release it. Take away all the bad, everything.
I can see everything falling apart at home. Moods are running high. More and more tears are shedding, and hiding. That's the worse sign, hiding. I hide, I should know. When someone hides they arn't hiding from someone but, something. An, emotion, that continues to haunt them. Their hiding because it is coming closer. It's knocking on their door, they know who it is so, they just curl up in a ball and hide from that knocking. I'm hiding, I've been hiding for a very long time.
My birthday is this saturday. I'm excited. I'm not excited for the party, although it is going to be fun. I'm excited because I'm growing. I'm becoming a woman. I'm nervous too. Each time I pick up the card that states my new age I think, Oh My God. By each year I get older, I become more of the person I should be. Each year I become older, I become less and less sure of who I am. But, I know there will be one day, that I will feel this, and realize I am living the person, I am supposed to be.
I learned about cellulite today :p! LOL! If you are wondering, yes, I do have it. But, I am not fat! No way, no how I am fat!! In fact, I am quite tall, and thin. Every girl gets it. The reason why is, as soon as we hit puberty our body begins to produce more and more fat so, when we become pregnant we are prepared to force this giant headed child out of our vag. Cellulite is formed by fatty tissue clumping together. So, instead of it evenly forming over us, it just clumps up... like cheese! LOL! Yes I did in fact learn something new today!!!! YHEAAAA!!!!
P.S Visual, yes I always get one when I compare cellulite to cheese... eiiichhhh
So, I felt like I needed to share this song with you, I have my theory about what this means.
So I feel like this is it for today. Thanks.
Originally Patience
Thing to do today, Write a poem and place it on your moms dresser.
(I know, I haven't done this but, my step aunt has, and it really makes me smile knowing that her mom would walk into her room everyday and see a small sheet of paper waiting for her, with a sweet little phrase)
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