Hey hi! I have just realized that day Eighty land on September the 1st! Wow!! LOL! So summer is coming to an end, and school is just about to begin. School.... god. I feels like Grade 10 just ended.... like a WEEK ago! LOL! I am not excited for grade 11. Why? Because it means I'm going to graduate soon, which means I will be entering the real world. For all of those who have no idea what I'm talking about her is and explination. You are currently living in the parental world. In this world you do not have to support yourself. Infact, many of you might not know this but, you are completly relient on you parents. You have no worries other than getting your homework done, and so on and so forth. This is a wonderful world I know. But there comes a time where you leave the "parental world" and enter the dreaded "real world". God, it is scary! You actually have to feed yourself! And make sure you have a balanced diet (p.s you know if you are starting to gain weight in university is you start wearing P.J bottoms all the time). You have to make sure you get your homework done yes but, you also have to make sure you pay bills and get you laundry done and you have money for food!!!! It is a scary world I know but, we all have to get there at one point or another or you parents are really going to get sick of you, and let's face it, It's a major turn off if you are like, 40, and you still live with your parents, don't have a job, and never went to school past highschool. That is called being a child.
I ran away again yesterday. I couldn't feel anything. I did something and couldn't stand to hear that pain. I needed to leave. I was very numb, I was out till 9. It was dark, and my heaart was going so fast, I collapsed, at the park. I couldn't breath, I tryed but, couldn't find anything in me. IT wasn't a panic attack. It was just shock. I was scared to go back afterwards. If it was my choice I wouldv'e stayed out there all night but, there was something inside of me that told me to go back. That is was going to be alright. It was wrong. I wish I never listened to it. Everything is gone. I felt like I came home and they stripped the walls clean and left. Everything we wroked for went away becaause of me. This time, and like many other times, it was my fault. I can't... stay calm. I just can't.
I saw the sunset last night. It was really beautiful. All of the colors, it was just amazing.
I'm tired. I can feel it in my bones. Everyday I get this nasty feeling. My head begins to hurt more, the dizziness has come back, and I can't sleep as well anymore. Everytime I feel like there is something standing over me. Telling me to go back to sleep and never wake up. It's scary. I feel like it is standing over me all the time. I feel like it is always beating down on me. Telling me to keep my mouth shut, just close my eyes. That's what I want to do, shut my eyes. Just sleep. Just dream for the rest of my life.
Originally Patience
Thing to do today, Watch a Sunset while listening to Love like a Sunset by Phoenix (P.s found out this band is french. I've been wondering why I have problems understanding what they are saying! LOL!)
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